I think any parent knows this pretty quickly after their first baby arrives. Things are great… for a while. A good 3-4 weeks solid for us. But some aren’t as lucky. Things switch up quickly. Either way, it eventually happens. After providing you one of the most invigorating moments of your life, they turn, and quickly you end up in the middle of one of the scariest moments of your life.
You wouldn’t think so the way life was going. Twenty-nine. Married. Daughter. Pretty normal everyday life. But it happened. It was one of those moments that rocks your soul. And by soul, I mean that place deep… deep down. That place nobody likes to talk about. That place that makes you feel vulnerable. That makes you feel human. That makes you feel real.
My daughter cried like she’s never cried before. A guttural scream that I can’t even begin to explain to you. I can only tell you if you’re a parent for longer than a couple of months, you know. And if you have a newborn and haven’t experienced it yet. Just wait. It’s something else. It’s not just about how hard. How loud. But how LONG. Over 45 minutes. Straight. Screaming. She screamed as if someone was literally ripping her limbs off of her body. And I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried everything. Diaper. Food. Soothie. Laying down. Laying up. Sitting up. Rocking. Swinging. It didn’t matter what I did. She just kept on going. And going.
It was horrible. At one point… I cried. I couldn’t help it. The most beautiful little woman in the world sounded as if she was dying. She was dying and there was nothing I could do about it but try and hold her. Try to calm her down. Keep it together.
Let me tell you. Parenting isn’t easy. It’s hard. It’s damn hard. For those of you still living the single life, you don’t understand. There’s nothing that will challenge you as mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From conception to birth and for the rest of your life, they are there and they are yours. They exist because of you. And that burden is not a light one to carry. It’s heavy. It’s heavy with the weight of the world… and not only your world, but your spouses. And now, this precious little life. Their world is now one you will forever carry as well. And you will want everything for them. You will want to give them everything. You will want to protect them. And keep them safe.
And when you fail, it will tear you apart. Again, a feeling you just don’t understand until your 3 month old is screaming bloody murder in your arms and there’s seemingly nothing you can do. And just when you’re about to break, when you honestly think you can’t take it any more and you want to just lay down, give up, you try one more thing. You turn on the kitchen sink and you hope for the best. And it happens. Instantly. Tears stop falling as if there was never a storm. Frown turns to the biggest grin you’ve seen since what seems like forever. Head tilts forward into your chest. Eyes close. And she’s out. And you’ve done it. You’ve been the best parent you could be. You stuck it out. You held her close. And you succeeded. And you’ve never felt better.
So, this post is dedicated to the parents out there. The ones you are. The ones who brought you up. The ones who held you close.