From happy to scary in no time

I think any parent knows this pretty quickly after their first baby arrives. Things are great… for a while. A good 3-4 weeks solid for us. But some aren’t as lucky. Things switch up quickly. Either way, it eventually happens. After providing you one of the most invigorating moments of your life, they turn, and quickly you end up in the middle of one of the scariest moments of your life.

How could this bundle of cuteness tear you apart? Read on dear reader, read on.

How could this bundle of cuteness tear you apart? Read on dear reader, read on.

You wouldn’t think so the way life was going. Twenty-nine. Married. Daughter. Pretty normal everyday life. But it happened. It was one of those moments that rocks your soul. And by soul, I mean that place deep… deep down. That place nobody likes to talk about. That place that makes you feel vulnerable. That makes you feel human. That makes you feel real.

My daughter cried like she’s never cried before. A guttural scream that I can’t even begin to explain to you. I can only tell you if you’re a parent for longer than a couple of months, you know. And if you have a newborn and haven’t experienced it yet. Just wait. It’s something else. It’s not just about how hard. How loud. But how LONG. Over 45 minutes. Straight. Screaming. She screamed as if someone was literally ripping her limbs off of her body. And I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried everything. Diaper. Food. Soothie. Laying down. Laying up. Sitting up. Rocking. Swinging. It didn’t matter what I did. She just kept on going. And going.

It was horrible. At one point… I cried. I couldn’t help it. The most beautiful little woman in the world sounded as if she was dying. She was dying and there was nothing I could do about it but try and hold her. Try to calm her down. Keep it together.

Let me tell you. Parenting isn’t easy. It’s hard. It’s damn hard. For those of you still living the single life, you don’t understand. There’s nothing that will challenge you as mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From conception to birth and for the rest of your life, they are there and they are yours. They exist because of you. And that burden is not a light one to carry. It’s heavy. It’s heavy with the weight of the world… and not only your world, but your spouses. And now, this precious little life. Their world is now one you will forever carry as well. And  you will want everything for them. You will want to give them everything. You will want to protect them. And keep them safe.

And when you fail, it will tear you apart. Again, a feeling you just don’t understand until your 3 month old is screaming bloody murder in your arms and there’s seemingly nothing you can do. And just when you’re about to break, when you honestly think you can’t take it any more and you want to just lay down, give up, you try one more thing. You turn on the kitchen sink and you hope for the best. And it happens. Instantly. Tears stop falling as if there was never a storm. Frown turns to the biggest grin you’ve seen since what seems like forever. Head tilts forward into your chest. Eyes close. And she’s out. And you’ve done it. You’ve been the best parent you could be. You stuck it out. You held her close. And you succeeded. And you’ve never felt better.

So, this post is dedicated to the parents out there. The ones you are. The ones who brought you up. The ones who held you close.

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20 responses to “From happy to scary in no time

  1. This brought back memories of those sleepless nights for me. Having raised two daughters who are now both in their twenties, I can tell you that I sometimes wish that I could just rock them or do that one thing that will make them happy, when they argue with their boyfriend, or when they fight with their friends, etc. You do the thing you do best, you stick it out…..

    • I think about the future often with a bit of fear… i can’t imagine what it will be like when I can’t just pull her close and hold her until the crying stops. But I think you’re right, we just have to do our best, and stick it out!

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Gosh, been there done that. My oldest son had a both-ears infection, non stop, from 6mo-1 year, it laughed at antibiotics. There were many nights of me curled up in the playpen, him finally asleep in my arms. I would wake up stiff and contorted like a pretzel, afraid if I evrn blinked he might wake. It was tough but the sight of him finally at rest in my arms is priceless.

    • Priceless is such a great way of explaining that moment when they’re finally at rest, and you’ve fixed their world. I am so scared of Rowyn getting sick, I can’t imagine how horrible the first time will be… and I hope to god it isn’t an ear infection, because I’ve heard that is the worse!

      Thanks for the comment, I appreciate you sharing!

  3. My first son screamed from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m., non-stop, for what seemed like months. I cried a lot. My husband was great and put in a lot of hours. It was a phase that passed, and we never did figure out what it was.

    • I wonder if it was colic? It seems our little one is dealing with gas pains more than anything really. And I’m so glad to hear your husband helped out! Parenting takes a village, and when you’ve got yourself a good spouse at home, it makes the world of a difference I’m sure!

      Thanks for stopping by, and I’m glad you don’t have to deal with that phase any longer!

  4. I loved most things about the newborn phase, except the fact that they can’t tell you what’s wrong. The endless crying jags…I remember them well. Now my youngest is 3, and at least I can usually figure out what’s upsetting him.

    • I can’t wait until she can tell me whats wrong. I hate having to guess, and then getting to the bottom of the list with no success. But once they finally do calm down… best…feeling…ever!

      Thanks for the read and comment!

  5. That’s so hard. And exhausting and heartbreaking. And man, what a relief when they’re finally out and sleeping like angels. Whew. Parenting is hard; you said a mouthful!

    • Extremely exhausting and the worst heartbreak I’ve ever dealt with!!! But it is the best feeling in the world once they are sleeping and cuddled up against you like you are the only thing in the world that matters.

      Thanks for reading and taking a moment to comment!

  6. Oh man, I thank God everyday for getting through those times. Parenting is so difficult… I just loved your last line! Really a lovely post!

    • Thank you so much for dropping by and leaving a comment. Parenting is by far the most difficult challenge I’ve come across in my life… but it is also the most rewarding!

  7. Parenting is so much easier when they can talk to you, but the memories of pacing the floor with my little ones at that age are some of my fondest memories of their babyhood now. Endurance is a skill I never really knew I had until my children were born.

    Great post.

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