I was late to work this morning, and it wasn’t my fault!!

This morning started out just like any other. My alarm went off, I struggled to get out of bed, and went about the usual morning routine. I was out the door 10 minutes earlier than usual and feeling pretty good about it. I locked the door to our town house behind me, and zoomed down the steps towards my car, when I realized a man standing between my wife’s car and mine. Leaned back, looking very comfortable against my passenger side door, he turned his head towards me and just smiled as I approached.

From the top of the stairs I wasn’t positive who this guy was, and believe me, I wasn’t happy about his assumption that it was okay to just lean up against my car like it was a rest stop. But as I got closer, and took a look from head to toe, it quickly became clear. Long hair. White bath robe. And the biggest telltale sign of who he was, the sandals.

My best attempt at sketching my morning passanger

My best attempt at sketching my morning passanger

As I came to the bottom step, my pace slowed, and I took off my glasses to rub my eyes, just to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.

“Morning Richard!” He said, chipper as ever.

“Um… Good morning…” I mumbled off, double checking the giveaway features. Pretty sure, but not positive I thought to myself, this can’t be happening.

“Oh, but it is,” he turned and placed his hand on the door handle, “So we headed to work or what? Don’t want to waste that head start you got this morning, we both know that doesn’t happen very often.”

“Sure,” I replied as I crossed in front of my car and approached the driver side, keeping my eyes on this guy. “But, before I go letting some random guy in a robe into my car, how do I know…” He heavily placed his hands on the roof of my car interrupting me and gave me a look I’ll never forget. “C’mon, seriously?” I just stared. “Ok… fine… I know about that time you and your buddies decided it would be a good idea to borrow those street signs. Let’s just say that knowing whether or not that street is slippery when wet was probably more important than the story you got to tell your buddies every time someone asked about it.”

I stood in awe, although I probably shouldn’t have been so surprised. He did visit Alicia last week at Party at the Point, and stopped by Don’s for a bit of gambling with Bosnians, but still, it wasn’t easy to swallow that Jesus was standing in front of me, in a bath robe, and looking to hitch a ride to work. Regardless, I opened the door and slid into the driver seat, while Jesus slumped down on the passenger side.

“Um… So… Should I call you Steve?!?” I asked him, remembering that he wasn’t fond of being referred to as Jesus just a week ago. “Uh, yah… no. That’s not necessary. Plus, Alicia’s the only person who gets to call me Steve.” Ok. Awkward moment Jesus. “Don’t assume anything Rich… we’re just good pals.”

I pulled out of my driveway and set off towards work. “So, Jesus. I know the obvious question, ‘Why are you here,’ probably gets old. So, I’m just going to ask, Why the bath robe? Don’t you have some more, errr… appropriate stuff to wear?” He opened his window as I spoke, and set an arm on the sill. “What do you mean? A bath robe is perfectly comfortable this time of day.” Touché Jesus.

“So, got any coffee?? I’ll just go ahead and be honest. After I left Alicia at the beach party, I took it upon myself to check out Charleston… let’s just say those guys know how to party. I spent the rest of the week there, so I’ve got a killer headache and a serious craving for some caffeine.” He looked around my car as he finished. “Seriously Rich, no coffee?!?” I don’t drink coffee Jesus, everybody knows that. “Yah, yah, I know. But I would’ve thought you could accommodate your guest and all,” he suggested as we came to a stop at an intersection and pointed off in the distance, a couple lights down. “Starbucks! Think we could stop? I seriously need a latté. White caramel mocha is my jam.” I didn’t even know what to say at that point, but before I could speak, “Fine, fine. I know you’ve gotta get to work. I’ll take care of it myself.” And without a warning, he hopped out of my car and started sprinting down the street. Once the light turned green, I pulled up next to him as he was sprinting. “I’ve gotta get to work dude! I can’t wait for you to get in and out of Starbucks or I’ll be late!” He tossed me a sideways glance, “Don’t worry about that,” he responded as I caught the next light.

He kept going to the next intersection where the Starbucks was on the opposite side of the street that he was running, and without warning, while the light was green, he dashed out across traffic. A gust of wind caught his robe, and to anyone watching, it was obvious the rumors were true, he had to be part Italian. Meanwhile, One car veered to avoid him, and slammed into another in the intersection. My eyes shot open wide, I couldn’t believe what just happened! Jesus just jaywalked and caused an accident for some joe! My head darted left and then right, looking for the white robe, but I couldn’t spot him. Being a block away, and the accident now taking up one of the lanes, I knew right away I was about to sit in traffic. It took about 15 minutes to get from my intersection to the one where the accident took place. I looked over and realized that the driver of one car was out of his car on his phone, obviously upset, while the other was sitting on her hood, watching the traffic, holding her neck with a little smile on her face. Shaking my head as I inched closer to finally clearing the traffic, my side door opened and in hopped Jesus, white caramel mocha and all.

“Dude! Seriously?!? Please tell me you didn’t cause that accident just so you could have time to get your coffee and still catch a ride!” Looking almost appalled, he replied quickly, “Do you think I would do that? Of course not Richard. That accident was going to happen whether I ran across that intersection or not. Didn’t you see the smile on that ladies face as we passed?” I shrugged, just figured she was in shock or something. “Nope. She just finished paying off the car recently, and it’s been giving her horrible problems ever since. Seeing as she got hit on the front end, and it wasn’t her fault, the car will be totaled, she’ll get a nice big check for the value of the car and her injuries, and she’ll be able to afford to not only get herself a new car, but also take care of some debt she racked up trying to fix that piece.”  I gave him a glance as if I wasn’t quite sure about what he had just told me, to which he responded with a small smile, “Trust me.”

After chitchatting about life, my daughter to be, and how amazing she’s going to be once she arrived, I pulled into my work parking lot. At this point, I hadn’t noticed the time, and quickly shot a glance to my passenger as I parked the car, “Jesus!! Now I’m late!!” To which he simply responded, “I know.”

***Disclaimer: This piece was a writing exercise for me and meant to be fun and get me out of my comfort zone. Please take it with a grain of salt. I simply read a series of blogs (linked) and wanted to continue the story, as it inspired me to do so. I have all the respect in the world for Jesus as a figure and what he stands for.***

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3 responses to “I was late to work this morning, and it wasn’t my fault!!

  1. Boy oh boy, Jesus is really getting around and is quite the trouble causer! I’m sure he and Alicia are “just friends” too. That skank! Good thing you issued a disclaimer, some people really do get rankled by these Jesus posts! Lol.

    • Haha, he has been getting around lately! Hope it’s okay I took y’alls blog idea and just ran with it… but I couldn’t help making up an excuse for why I was late yesterday, Jesus was the perfect scape goat!

      I knew I had to include the disclaimer mainly due to knowing that some of my personal friends who read the blog may have been offended otherwise. I hope they know it was all in good fun.

  2. Pingback: So, what are you doing? My tips for the new blogger | Dad, It's ok!·

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